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 A
couple returned early from a night out to find their teenage daughter
having sex with her boyfriend on the couch. After the particularly
awkward moments passed and the boy went home, the woman sat her
daughter down for a "long talk." She got to the part
about using "protection" and the girl said, "Don't
worry mom, I've been taking your birth-control pills." The
woman asked her how come she'd never noticed any missing and the
daughter said "I replace them with baby-aspirin."
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People
will believe anything if they want to avoid pregancy...
You
can't get pregnant if it's your first time.
Jumping
up and down immediately after intercourse will prevent conception.
Douching
with Coca-Cola or 7-Up will kill whatever sperm the process doesn't
wash away.
It's
impossible to get pregnant if you have sex during your period.
After
intercourse, a hot bath or a heating pad on the stomach prevents
conception.
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A
man and his wife were supposed to go to a costume party together
one halloween, but when the time came to go the woman told him
to go on without her, she had a terrible headache. The man reluctantly
did, and the suspicious wife decided to see just how faithful
her man really was. She put on a different costume and went to
the party. When she got there she saw her husband dancing with
a young girl in a sexy costume, even more suspicious, she decided
to really put him to the test. She danced with him and whispered
they should sneak into a bedroom.
She
insisted they leave the masks on and had sex with him, then fuming,
she ran home to wait for his return. When he got there she innocently
asked if he'd had fun. He told her he hadn't, after a few minutes
he and some guys had went across the street to play poker, he
added "The guy who borrowed my costume said he had a hell
of a time, though!"
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A
couple were celebrating an anniversary and had rented the exact
same room they had stayed in on their honeymoon. When they got
there it was pretty much the same except for a little wear and
tear, it had the round bed and mirrors on the ceiling just like
their previous visit. They had added a little machine that would
allow you to watch porno movies on the TV though, and as his
wife "slipped into something more comfortable," the
man decided to check it out.
A
few minutes into the second scene he realized it had been filmed
in the room they were staying in, and had stayed in during their
honeymoon. Then he realized it was their honeymoon.
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After
hearing screams from a hotel room, a man broke in and found
a woman tied to a bed naked. Her boyfriend was unconscious on
the floor, dressed as a superhero. He'd hit his head during
the sex-game and left her helpless.
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One
morning around 5am 22 year old Susan DeLucci of Kittery, Maine,
woke up with a painful need to urinate. At first she thought she
had diarrhea, but when she stood up out of bed, she realized that
it was urinary pain.
It
was very similar to the feeling of having diarrhea, just out the
wrong hole. She wobbled to the toilet and upon sitting on it,
her vagina erupted into the most horrific messy farting noise
anyone has ever heard.
In
paralyzing pain, Ms. DeLucci for the next few minutes continued
to push and squirt out of her vagina a burning tide of wretch
and filth while she gripped the sides of the toilet, white-knuckled.
She was screaming wildly, and the neighbors called the police.
When medics arrived they found Ms. DeNucci unconscious lying on
the floor of her bathroom wearing nothing but her bath robe.
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A
young lady went to see her gynocologyst because of a constant
itching in her privates over the last couple of days. She'd
never had sex with anyone but her current partner, but was suspicious
and fearful that perhaps he had "given" her something.
After the doctor examines her he tells her that he will have
to report this to the police.
The
doctor explains that she has maggots inside her vagina and the
only way that can happen is if she or her partner is having
sex with dead people. She looks at the doctor with horror and
whispers "My boyfriend works in a morgue!"
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A
man was informed the problem with his septic system was all
the condoms being flushed down the toilet. This causes him to
become upset because he and his wife don't use condoms. He confronts
her and she admits an affair with the milkman. The next morning
he hides and waits for him to arrive, and shoots him as he delivers
the milk. The woman is relieved to discover it had been her
lover's day off.
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The
sheriff of a small college town took his new deputy to a "make-out
spot" where the students often went "camping"
for a romantic evening. The deputy stuck his head in the tent
and told them they were in alot of trouble and he wondered what
their parents were going to think about this. The boy offered
to pay a fine or whatever to get out of this, but the deputy
told him there was only one way of getting out of this jam and
looked lecherously at the young half-naked girl.
After
taking advantage of the young and obviously underage girl, he
stepped out and the sheriff told him with a grin, "It works
every time." The sheriff crawled into the tent unzipping
his pants eagerly and told the girl it would be over in a minute
when he looked at her face and recognized his fifteen year-old
daughter.
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A
couple had oral sex, then sex and then started smoking on a
U.K. train. The crew ignored complaints until they started smoking.
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A
woman was doing laundry in the basement of her apartment building
when she noticed how dirty the robe she's wearing is. It's early
morning and no one was around so she just threw it in with the
rest. As she stands there naked, she notices that the moisture
from the ceiling is dripping on her head. She see's a child's
football-helmet in the corner and puts it on to keep the dirty
water from getting in her hair. Just then a man walks in to
read the meter in the room, he sees her and without batting
an eye he says: "Lady, I don't know what you're playin',
but I hope your team wins!"
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